To Give or Not to Give

“Excuse me, sir.”

I pulled my gaze away from the grocery store’s five shelves of popcorn to focus on a middle-aged African American man standing beside me in a gray t-shirt and sweats.

“Can you help me out?” Joe asked.

At first glance, Joe did not appear homeless. His clothes were clean, his hair fairly well-groomed and his speech clear. But his eyes were cloudy and there was something in the way he asked that question, a certain quiet, yet assertive way, that I knew he was going to ask for money.

As a typical rule, I don’t give money to beggars. In part because I’ve watched documentaries exposing some of them making a pretty fair living out of the kindness of others when there is nothing wrong with them, in part because I don’t want my money to possibly help them buy drugs, and in part because I don’t want to encourage them to keep asking for money.

"You see,” he said, “my wife and daughter are in a van outside and I’m trying to get them some food and…”

“Would you like me to buy you something?” I cut him off, because if I heard him ask for money, I’d have just turned away. However, I’ve always believed that if a person in need asks for food, I’d give it to them. So since we were in a grocery store, I figured I’d see if he would accept an offer of food or if he was only interested in money.

To my surprise, his face lit up and he said yes.

“What would you like?”

Joe thought for a moment, “A sandwich from the deli.”

We walked over to the deli and he asked for a meatball sandwich. When the young man behind the deli-counter asked what size, I said a large one. But before the clerk could start making it, Joe asked, “Are the meatballs made out of pork?”

The clerk looked confused then checked with two other clerks and they all said they didn’t know.

“My wife can’t eat pork,” Joe said. “Give me the chicken instead.”

While the clerk made the sandwich, Joe and I had a nice discussion. I was very impressed with how polite he was and how well he spoke. He explained that he and his family were just trying to make it to the weekend, when they would be good for awhile. When I asked why, he explained that’s when the food bank at a local church opened and his family would also receive a voucher to stay at a hotel for 18 days so they wouldn’t have to keep sleeping in their van. Joe used to work with marble for home remodels, but has been out of work for eight months. He was paid under the table and hadn’t filed a W4 in eight years and therefore was ineligible for unemployment.

A sad story. Real? Who knows? The story definitely seemed plausible and Joe appeared sincere, although those are probably the first two rules a con-artist learns: make the story plausible and appear sincere.

After the sandwich was made, we shook hands, wished each other well and parted our separate ways.

When I left the store, I scanned the parking lot for a van, but saw none.

Whether Joe had a family or not, was homeless or not, or just saw me as a sucker, I felt good knowing that whatever his motivations were, he and perhaps “his wife and teenage daughter” were going to eat well that night.

(The man's name has been changed to respect his privacy.)

Thimerosal is Bad! Doctor Confirmed!

I knew it! I told our physician numerous times that thimerosal in a vaccine is a bad thing and I don't want my kids to have any shots with that preservative. Every time she would frown and insist that thimerosal is not harmful. It is an unfounded parent worry and that there is no medical evidence supporting that its harmful. Watch what this doctor, an infectious disease expert, on FOX News says about thimerosal in vaccines: